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DVD_MOCKUP

There’s really no way to make this one florid, deep or informative.

Like a storefront stag loop reel, as soon as you pop in your metaphorical quarter, the damn thing starts rolling.  A more enticing trailer for the main feature than said feature proves to be kicks things off, before rolling right into a series of Something Weird extra-style shorts that appear to hail from the mid to late 60’s.

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Clinical Sex features an odd looking if fashionable auburn tressed go-go girl straight out of the Mary Quant school.  After a ridiculous missionary position flashback (showing how bored she is by “straight” sex), the Andrew Dice Clay-esque doctor gives a more up close and personal examination than he’s likely to get away with nowadays.

Given that he does the exact same thing as the last guy had, she doesn’t seem to be any more interested (much less “cured”) by his efforts than when she came in the door (though we’re told by the narration that she “thanked me for helping her reach a climax”).  Yeah, sure.

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He has a sorta cute Heidi Fleiss type for a nurse, who helps the next patient (an even homelier, stubbier lass than the first) with her “strange problem”, which is that she’s a lesbo.  Well, “Ella” (our Heidi Fleiss type) looks pretty yummy naked, anyway, so it’s not a total snoozefest, but yawn.

Finally the Diceman gets it on with Fleiss, and we get a jokey narration about how our fashionable first patient “filed legal action” against him and closed his office.  What a knee slapper!

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Anyway You Like It comes with live sound, but it’s not really an improvement – the nurse this time is really hurtin’ (she looks like your average Catholic nun), and the rest of the cast isn’t much of an improvement.

A Betty Friedan type in a sort of rising sun guitar pattern mini with a chain belt comes in and relates the story of how she busted in on someone’s apartment and stood in the doorway watching a homely blonde who has one of those old kitchen mixer style vibrators used on her by some guy with porkchop sideburns who looks like the lead from Blood Freak.  Yeah, sure, it’s a run on sentence.  But you sit through this sequence and try to describe it.  Do you care enough to take the time to break it up after that?

Not content with one retina-scarring incident, she decides to go back a second time, to see him do it to a slightly better looking but stupider seeming blonde.  Then she does it a third time, to watch a different guy going down on a mildly cuter hippie type for about 10 minutes.

Peeping Thomasina then gets what is now our second instance of unconventional medical service, as the beatnik type doctor uses that same damn kitchen appliance of a vibe on her, before another round of the missionary (while the nun strips and uses the vibe on herself).  Another cheap joke closes things out.

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Naked Sexes is the most bizarre peep loop you’re ever likely to see, and I’ve been following Something Weird for years.  An indescribably annoying jack in the box-type laugh repeats over…and over…and over throughout the entire running time, as 4 ugly blondes roll around on a bed laughing.  There’s also some surprising homoerotic business going on, with 3 hairy if balding light-bodybuilding types (one of whom has a ridiculous handlebar mustache) strike poses clad in nothing but thongs.  Umm…and what audience was this being marketed to again?

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The Different Sex stars the Diceman again, who we’re to believe is still in college (yeah, about 40 years ago!) with a Phyllis Diller type (who we’re told is “the most attractive girl in the class”) and another goofy guy with an awful haircut.  Since she’s “as beautiful as she is intelligent” (which only gets more hilarious the more this big boned trannie type with a huge schnozz is onscreen), Phyllis gets in a 3 way with these two clowns (one wonders which one is Fang?) in a sparse hotel room set.

I really hope my play by play of the “action” in these disasterpieces doesn’t give the impression they are in any way arousing…this is pure comedic gold, or to be avoided like the plague, depending on your level of sobriety and sense of humor.

The narrator finally shows, and she’s a nerdy semi-attractive strawberry blonde.  She strips down for the world’s most boring menage a trois with Diller and another so-ugly-she-could-stop-a-clock type (who licks her lips with her mouth wide open and makes weird eye rolling faces that make one worry about her sanity).

At least we’re assured in the end that “her research was done carefully…but she would never do it again.”  And we can all thank God for that.

Some terrible faux-sixties music (that was clearly recorded last week) provides the soundtrack as a rather beefy but not unattractive redhead gets it on with a geek who looks like Christian soft rocker Randy Stonehill (also of Beware! The Blob fame).

Sadly, this nameless partial short is by far the hottest of them, as she really seems to enjoy what she’s doing, and gives some head while diddling herself with a vibe.  He’s really hard to look at, so I can’t picture anyone getting too into this, but with the sorry competition here, it stands out nonetheless, which is probably why it was left for last.

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Now on to the main feature, which starts off with some footage of late 60’s era Times Square.  Tony Curtis films run side by side with raunchy porn, “all male color shows” and live burlesque shows!

Going well beyond the standard “film the marquees as we drive through” bit, these guys do long walking shots of stores and passerby, so you get to see both day and night shots of adult bookstores, peepshows, newsstands and long, loving views of sex instruction books and magazines of the era, adult photo shoots and so forth – they even flip page by page through the equivalent of Screw!  Deuce historians take note…

The Oral Generation (the film) is is a post dubbed, narrated “white coater”, but a much raunchier one than I’ve personally been exposed to till now.  With much better looking women than usual and in vibrant color with plenty of closeups, this is hardly your standard sexploitation potboiler – this is pretty raw stuff.

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A girl with a Candy Coster wig haircut soaps up her boyfriend in the shower.  Nothing much happens, which is disappointing since she’s not bad looking at all.

The cover girl from the poster (who looks a lot like Uschi Digard without the sloppy breasts) shows off her nice lingerie, wiggles a rather sexy derriere and gives a dash of cameltoe, intercut with her having a bit of a dull (if lovingly photographed in erotically charged closeup) session with a guy who doesn’t seem all that interested (which makes you wonder about his orientation more than was likely intended).  As you might expect from a film with this title, there’s a fair amount of fellatio involved.  She’s also pretty damn hot, if that didn’t come across already…

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A ratty haired hippie type with a lot of turquoise jewelery gets it on with a black guy who does some bad weapons and forms Taekwondo, intercut with his appearing to be either dead or passing out from boredom while she proves she’s part of The Oral Generation.  Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Drinking game for you: take a shot every time she pushes her hair out of her face so the camera can see what she’s doing to the dead guy…I mean, the ‘kung fu expert’…who’s sort of…passed out unconscious…or something…

(sidles out of room uncomfortably)

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A Mia Farrow circa Rosemary’s Baby lookalike “plays the flute” while a much better looking Tina Russell type sits by and gets all worked up.  She’s a natural redhead, which is unexpected since her hair’s auburn at best.  Finally she joins in the snail’s pace “fun”.  Is it just me, or are these guys just not into the ladies here?  And at least half of these women are decent looking!  Paging Mr. Viagra…sheesh!

There are no names in any of these, and you’re unlikely to recognize any faces…this is peep loop, early XXX stuff, with all the good and bad points thereof (the main plus is that it’s in your face, close up, and quite raunchy).  Instrumental psychedelic rock and Indian sitar with tabla music blares throughout the un-narrated sequences, and there’s a whole lot of NYC footage, going beyond the standard generic street footage in favor of a more touristy “look, it’s the New York library!  And there’s the courthouse!” approach.

In the end, there’s not a lot to say about The Oral Generation, as a film or a DVD package deal – it’s a much more raw white coater than you’d expect, preceded by some pretty iffy short loops.  If you’ve experienced more than one or two Something Weird DVDs, you’ve probably encountered similar material, if a bit more towards the softcore end of the equation.  As always, Vinegar Syndrome cleans these up to a ridiculous level – they probably didn’t look this good in first run theatrical (or storefront) screenings.

Those of a certain age looking for a bit of nostalgia or adult film historians looking for a bit of the golden age of Times Square will certainly want to check this one out – those looking for a bit more may want to think about whether it’s worth indulging in.

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