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VS-053

Next up we have a pair of Carlos Tobalina efforts, which take things one step further from Prisoner of Pleasure to feature a front and center Mai Lin aided and abetted once again by frequent costar Jade Wong.

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First and best is Oriental Hawaii, whose cast roster is forefronted by the two Asian lovelies as well as Farrah Fawcett lookalike Rhonda Jo Petty (whose overly distended lips in the first lesbi-scene are so terrifying as to confuse even her costar) and the dopey if cute in an Amber Lynn sort of way peroxide blonde Danielle.

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Look, this has to be said.  Cute or no, you seriously haven’t lived until you’ve heard her terrifying, offputtingly fake orgasm here…both indescribably awful and with a truly hard bitten edge.  Far more appealing than either of the more famed blondes is a certain Lisa Priest as a hooker Leslie pays a call on.  So why are the other two considered “names”, when Priest (and Wong, for that matter) languish in relative obscurity?  There’s just no accounting for taste, I tell ya…

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Male star power this time around comes courtesy of John Leslie, and we’re treated to some pretty decent jazz-rock fusion from a band called The Section – personally, I’d love a copy of the soundtrack to this one.

Essentially, the story is that Leslie and his wife Jesie St. James can no longer adequately support their growing brood, going from “eating steak every night” to a steady spaghetti diet.  While Petty and Danielle are downright incestuous towards each other throughout, brother Jesse Adams only has eyes for the two pretty schoolgirls who answer the family’s advertised offer of room and board.

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The Walker daughters decide to introduce the new houseguests to a “fun game called dildo” and pass the dutchie for an inordinate period of time, Danielle wears a ridiculous homemade crafts cat g-string, then Jade and Mai Lin give the two goofy guys next door a break.

That’s right, I said two: apparently Adams shares a room somewhat homoerotically with the ever obnoxious Jon Martin, who makes a rather aggressive point of his backdoor nigh-rape of the latter before going on to share the abuse with Wong (who is quite visibly disgusted by the prospect of having to service him after he pulls out).

Did I mention that after seeing him in bit parts in no more than four films, he’s pulled this same crap twice?  Yes, in the short time we’ve been virtually acquainted, I’ve honestly come to hate this asshole…

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Filipina Wong is allowed to utilize her sexy throaty voice (as previously heard in Purely Physical but hardly at all in either The Ultimate Pleasure or Prisoner of Paradise), Mai Lin is gorgeous, and Danielle is pretty enough when her mouth’s shut.

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That’s about all there is to this one, beyond the unusual discovery that while Mai Lin may be the prettier (and possess the better body) of the two, I found myself drawn far more to the earthier, more approachable Wong, who seems more like a real girl than a disingenuous and narcissistic performer (which is the distinct vibe you get from Mai Lin).  I guess good things do come in small packages after all.

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Then it’s time for the same year’s Mai Lin vs. Serena, which manages to be even seedier than the first film, which is saying something.  But if you’re looking for pure, nigh plotless prurient value, there’s plenty of bang (ahem) for your buck here.

Tobalina himself makes an appearance, thick accent and all, as a director who has “a part for the hottest girl in motion pictures…you, Mai Lin, are very, very hot nowadays, and Serena of course, you are also tops.  My problem is I do not know which one of you is really the hottest one.”

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This opening statement proves that Tobalina would appear to be going blind at this point in his career, a point particularly hammered home when the two starlets enter into a slow motion exchange in closeup immediately thereafter.  Can he really be seriousSerena?  Sheesh…

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So it follows that, much akin to All Night Long, the rest of the film is a contest to see who can out-gross each other, Desperate Living style: getting and giving oral in a public restaurant (which rather than an arrest leads to a mass orgy), visiting a lesbian watering hole (“Is this a gay bar?” Mai Lin asks. “Sort of,” the waiter responds, nodding) where Mai Lin gets it on with…guess who…Jade Wong again (“Hi. Are you Chinese?” “Yes I am.” “You are? I am too.” “I was noticing that.”) while Serena gets stuck with a real butch type.

Eventually they switch partners and both Herschel Savage and Mike Horner drop in to join the fun.

At a lesbian bar.

Right.

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Then all of a sudden, our two heroin(es) are behind bars, giving favors to guards Billy Dee and some other guy in a Harpo Marx wig.  This naturally gets the guards fired, which somehow magically means that the ladies get a free pass out of the clink.  Ah, if only…

They head home to a rather dumpy and obviously stage set-style apartment with a bathtub in the middle of the living room.  Why a bathtub?  For bukkake, of course!  About 20 guys in party masks show up, among whom is a very obvious Billy Dee getting in a second round…

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“Well…I have made my decision,” Tobalina tells the sleazy duo.
“So? Who won?”
“No one. It’s a tie.”
“So who got the part?”
“Well, if you don’t mind working together…you both get the part.”

So in other words, it was all for nothing. Oh, well…

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Suffice to say that the prints are stellar as always, and that between Mai Lin’s good looks and Jade Wong’s somewhat lesser but far more appealing blend of cuteness and charm (not to mention that low, throaty voice of hers), you really can’t go wrong here aesthetically speaking (let’s just conveniently gloss over and attempt to forget a few scary if not traumatic blonde-based sequences in the first film to settle on this assertion).

While there’s no question that the more sophisticated (and kinky) Linda Wong is more my speed, you could certainly do far worse than lovelies like Mai Lin or Jade Wong to spend a few hours with.

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