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VS-057_cover_e

“Dear fellow human: God created the universe for you…then he created you.

If I can…bring to your life that little extra spec (sic) of light which will make you a bit more aware, hence, a lot happier then, because I love you, I too, will feel in my heart a lot happier.”

That choice bit of transliterated mumbo jumbo should clue savvy readers of Third Eye in that the final offering this month from Vinegar Syndrome comes from our pal Carlos Tobalina, who brings such lovelies as “Mss” (sic) Sharon Thorpe (who also assistant directs and assistant produces!), Annette Haven, Leslie Bovee and Desiree West to an orgy.

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“Let’s pick up a couple…they look OK.”

With this, we’re introduced to battling power couple John Leslie and Leslie Bovee, who are having issues.  He’s a compulsive girl watcher (I know the feeling), she’s a jealous drunkard.  Their sex life is boring and vanilla and they’re talking divorce.

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“They belong here,” our narrator intones, before flashing forward to another encounter group orgy (like we saw last month in Anthony Spinelli’s Touch Me), this time moderated by the very hands-on and participatory “Dr. Klein” (Thorpe).  Leslie learns cunnilingus, and all is well…

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Our next case study couple comes courtesy of a Candida Royalle who hasn’t yet discovered the magic of hair straighteners and dresses like a refugee from the cast of Godspell and some hairy doofus named Turk Lyon.  Their rotten relationship inspires an actual good piece of life advice:

“Overeating, too much smoking or drinking…these are signs of a poor sex life. Prudery and religion have kept even well educated people ignorant in sexual matters. Complete sexual release is essential to your health, to your psychological and emotional sanity.”

Wow.  While the subject matter is certainly pertinent, this isn’t exactly the sort of thing you’d expect to hear in a porn flick…

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In the interest of covering every demographic (well, hardly, but that was definitely the thought process in play here), we then get a black couple (Desiree West and her goofy ‘husband’ Dashile Miguele).

“and what about a real tough man?  A he-man.  Macho.  Just out of jail.”

This rather silly comic book writeup leads in to a sequence with a pretty girl named Bonnie Holiday and likeably goofy Joey Silvera, who’s already back gunrunning rather than allow his gorgeous gal pal to get a job.  Prison has also thrown a wrench into their sex life:

“You know you’ve changed.  All you want to do now is ball me in my ass.  Five years in prison do that to you?”

Backdoor prone readers, take note…there may be something going on you haven’t allowed into conscious consideration!

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“Now we’re going to try out some supervised intercourse.”

Now that we’ve been introduced to everyone important, we can get on with the big orgy, which takes up the better part of the running time.  There’s plenty of straight talk about sex and even a bit of demonstration, making this perhaps the most “useful” adult film ever screened outside of a (presumably very liberal) sex ed class(!).  Thanks, Carlos, the unsophisticated of the world are sure to appreciate your efforts.

Sadly, they also tagged in a fat girl (one Mira Vane), who keeps milling around trying to demonstrate things and get in on the action. Long shudder…

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Thorpe’s technique works, and we get to see each of the happy couples work out their problems in the bedroom in turn before Bovee decides to take things a step further and introduce another she into the equation.  This means another visit to Thorpe’s clinic, and a walk on from the ever sexy Annette Haven

“If Mother Nature has intended that sex serve only the function of procreation, people would only have sex two, three, four, five times in a lifetime, depending on the number of children they want to have.  This is not the case.  Sex is essential to a normal, happy human life.  A good fucking relieves tension more completely than anything else in life.”

This is in many ways the ideal sort of adult film: filled with attractive performers, funky music, period location footage, aesthetic sets (well, not too much on that end this time around) and a crisply filmed, vibrantly personal feel.  There’s enough dialogue and ostensible plot to keep things interesting, but there’s no debate as to the reason the punters bought their tickets (unlike, say, Dracula Sucks).

I’m coming to enjoy both Thorpe and Haven more with each release, and hope we continue to see more of their efforts on the horizon, alongside further Linda and Jade Wong features and Johnny Wadd adventures.  Hell, I wouldn’t mind seeing this Bonnie Holiday person again either…

While Tobalina is one of the more workmanlike directors of the era, he’s also no nonsense and certainly has a keen cinematographic eye, as Vinegar Syndrome’s restorations continue to show.

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“The way to really get to know people is at an orgy.”

Things turn a bit morbid with Her Last Fling, starring someone named Sandy Feldman (née Pinney) and a cast of nobodies…at least if you believe the onscreen credits.  But dammit, Sharon Thorpe is on hand to edit music and play production manager!

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So here’s the story.

Our pal Sandy gets told she’s only got two or three weeks to live, which leads to her desire to “do some of those things I never dared to do before.”  Apparently this means a quick bit of lesbo action, buying a Cadillac and taking part in what appears to be the same exact orgy filmed for Carnal Haven.  Well, same carpet and mirrored ceiling, anyway, because while Candida Royalle and Desiree West are still present, now you get Pinney alongside a bearded John Holmes and Paul Thomas and a Vietnamese cutie named Carol Tong.  Add her to the list of ladies I hope to see more of from Vinegar Syndrome in the future…

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And no sooner does the first orgy conclude than Pinney gets in on another one, this time in an absolutely gorgeous suite at the Las Vegas (MGM?) Grand Hotel, all mirrored walls, leather furniture, Oriental carpeting, red velvet curtains and brass finery.  This one’s all nobodies (other than Tong, assuming her good looks grant her instant starring status here), and winds up with a weird second act where all the ladies diddle “Queen Sandy” as the three loser guys sit together on a couch and beat off.  Subtext, anyone?

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Then it’s off to yet another orgy, once again with Tong in tow (hey, Tobalina knew a good thing when he saw it…), but this time we get West as well and…hey, wait a minute…that’s Sharon Thorpe!  Damn, she really is owning this picture…

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Now on to a hot tub orgy, alongside Tong and Thorpe.  Paul Thomas is on hand, as is John Holmes and that short haired Filipino girl from The Ultimate Pleasure. There’s even a happy ending.  And hey, if becoming an orgiast cures fatal diseases, sign me up!

don't turn around, just drive.

don’t turn around, just drive.

As ever, Vinegar Syndrome delivers a surprisingly crisp and vibrant pair of long forgotten Times Square classics, with a brisk pallette and colors that pop.  Do we really need to bring this up anymore?  Consider it somewhat of a given, unless otherwise noted…

In terms of Carlos Tobalina films, this pairing and last month’s Mai Lin double feature stand head and shoulders above all those cheesy Nina Fause pictures.  Don’t expect anything on the order of a Radley Metzger, Anthony Spinelli or Bill Lustig here, but in terms of your workaday 1970’s porno chic effort?  You could do a whole hell of a lot worse than these two (and particularly the quite enjoyable Carnal Haven).

another clear, sunny day courtesy of big industry.

another clear, sunny day courtesy of big industry.

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