Blair Harris, Bob Chinn, Eric Edwards, gail palmer, Herschel Savage, Hyapatia Lee, Joey Silvera, Kay Parker, Lili Marlene, Mike Horner, Paul Thomas, Ron Jeremy, Shauna Grant, third eye cinema podcast, vinegar syndrome, William Margold
Who thought it would be a great idea to set a porn film in a telephone company call center?
That’s right, Bob Chinn and producer Gail Palmer are at it again, with a lovingly photographed, well lit, tongue in cheek comedy that also manages to be as immediately personal and (by genre standards) sexy as the adult films of this era tended to be.
But it’s still totally fucking ridiculous!
We open with Herschel Savage balling Sharon Kane lookalike Linda Shaw. This film is actually Hyapatia Lee‘s debut, and she gets it on with sleazy boss Eric Edwards. We’re also treated to pleasant visuals courtesy of the late Shauna Grant, stumbling and slurring through her brief lines, doubtless with plenty of chemical assistance (listen to her, it’s embarrassing).
You also get Bill Margold as a pervert caller, Joey Silvera as a hapless contractor who calls looking for technical assistance with his construction project and winds up getting a whole lot of very bad advice from dim bulb Grant, Mike Horner as a horny lineman who services desperate old lady housewife Pat Manning with his full hand, yet (well, at least she’s got a nice spread – check out her digs!), pretty Southern gal Lili Marlene gives us a sapphic tryst with Hyapatia before getting with the boss, and Paul Thomas and cute Laurie Smith call for advice on deep throat from Kay Parker, who then gets with lineman Ray Wells.
Hyapatia’s manager/husband (and occasional director) Bud Lee also works the phone lines, giving Sharon Mills advice on how to diddle herself (seriously) before wifey steps in to offer some oral assistance. Silvera shows up to take it out on Grant, but when he discovers she’s sorta gorgeous despite her mental limitations, he decides to boff her instead.
All of this is in service to the idea that computerization is simply no substitute for that personal human touch (ahem).
This is the era I came up with, and still find most hardcore of this vintage (the early to mid 80’s) to be the sexiest, most entertaining and filled with some of the best looking ladies in the history of porn. With many of the legends of the mid to late 70’s still active, these now-veterans were matched with and superseded by a new, younger crowd of up and comers who were (and remain, courtesy of the magic of video) often quite stunning.
Lee and Grant are, particularly at this point in their careers, absolutely radiant, and Marlene and Smith aren’t half bad themselves. It’s amusing, well shot, aesthetic “feel good” adult nonsense with a happy ending. What’s not to like?
Then we get another Chinn effort of the same year, also featuring Lee at her youthful peak. This one’s a bit more soft focus, but it has a very 80’s teen sex comedy* feel, akin to but even more true to the genre than his earlier Hot & Saucy Pizza Girls. There’s even a catchy theme song and very likeable 80’s soundtrack (and hey, why not a copy of this as part of the release?)
* or more realistically, “dramedy”
Lee is supposedly a college freshman (oh, please – attractive as she is, the woman’s well past her college years…) and we get treated to some sexy period appropriate lingerie and decor as she diddles herself to the memory of herself and hubby Bud banging by the fireplace.
That said, Lee pulls off a surprisingly believable teenager dramatically speaking (complete with girlish fashion sense, feet on the table and plenty of teenage attitude), clashing with divorcee mom Kay Parker (who wastes an inordinate amount of screentime feeling herself up in the mirror and taking a sponge bath).
Parker’s new beau Eric Edwards is planning on being husband #2 and hauling the broken family off to Minnesota, but this isn’t developed past a bedroom conversation – the expected build of tension between mother and daughter over the future stepdad never actually takes place. Instead, the running time is padded out with sex scenes, as follows:
Poor Ron Jeremy gets stuck with questionable stoner “punkette” Cara Lott (sort of a half-assed Lois Ayers type). Hyapatia goes off with with Midwestern cheerleader type Cindy Carver and Lott to some party and winds up with all grown up high school pal Carl Lincoln. Carver bags Blair Harris while Lott goes gay with Pat Manning. Oh, and as mentioned in passing, Parker and Edwards do the dirty.
Done, roll credits.
Once again, we’re treated to some truly aesthetic homes and decor, Lee is an absolute raven tressed stunner and even iffy Carver looks pretty decent when made up for the evening. There’s still no excuse for Lott, and if the oldsters are your bag, then hey, whatever, but Lee and to some extent Carver are more than enough to keep things watchable. And geez, those locations…
There are also brief interviews with both Bill Margold and Bob Chinn himself as a bonus.
You really can’t knock a Hyapatia Lee film, particularly at this stage of her career – the woman is (or was) a friggin’ knockout.
With as accomplished and visual a director as Chinn at the helm and two well written (if somewhat incomplete in Sweet Young Foxes’ case) scripts, this Blu ray/DVD combo is a decided winner.